Have you ever experience people telling you things like, “ your so good at that” or “ That’s a gift.? I have heard it many of times. My husband reminds me often that I am talented or gifted but for whatever reason I just don’t see it. I don’t know if it was because I wasn’t exposed to a lot of other things that could help build my confidence or if it came out of being picked on all the time… but I just don’t believe in myself the way others do and the way God does. I’ve always wanted to accomplish whatever I put my mind to but I never feel satisfied with what I do. I’m told I’m a great braider but when I look at my work it’s always it could be better. The one thing I struggle with the most is my music. I’m always so proud of something I wrote and sung but as soon as I hear a play back I right away have negative thoughts like, you don’t sound great or no one will listen, or it’s not better than such and such or things like why are you even trying, you suck type stuff.  I don’t have very much confidence at all when it comes to my own work, which is crazy because who can tell me that my heart is wrong about how it feels? I want to so badly be very successful in my music. Success for me is putting together my album, recording it and being completely satisfied with the voice He has given me…. But more so than not, it is myself, my negative thoughts that stops me. I have been noticing over the past couple of years that there isn’t a special program that is going to motivate me to want better for myself. There isn’t a special program that is going to make me feel motived to lose my belly fat. There isn’t a special program that’s going to make me eat healthier. It’s all in my thoughts, grant there are programs that support you on whatever your trying to accomplish, but it takes you to make it happen. I’m the only one that can do that. Recently I have been evaluating what  kept me so motivated years ago with working with youth, and singing and writing my own music. I noticed whenever I was spiritually connected with God I had less anxiety and just went for it. I would take on any task given to me with confidence, but now it’s not like. I felt like I was on the right track spiritually because I was so connected to Him but then it took no time at all for what others believe I should be doing, to impact my lifestyle and choices. Eventually I started to feel trap in this new-found love with God because of what others were saying to me. Eventually that connection I had with God just feel off because now I was doing everything in my power to please people but not in any negative manner, just in a way that I felt like I couldn't fully be me. Like sometimes I cuss, I drink wine, I like to go to bars, but according to some church rules all of those things would be considered living in the world.  I quickly lost my confidence in my music. I quickly became more annoyed by people and could care less for them because they weren’t putting in nearly as much effort as I was putting into them.  I am currently working on building my confidence back up again but in Him. By believing the things He has shown me that I can accomplish. God put in me a heart of worship, one that I didn’t even know I had until I was 16. He gave me a voice that I didn’t know I had until I was 16 and He gave me words and melodies that I could use to express how I feel about Him. My confidence will be restored because I will only be focused on Him. I will not let the confidence He put in me, any longer be tempered with because of trying to serve people who don’t know my heart nor my relationship with God. I have never been a religious person and somewhere in the mist of following God I became a religious person because I was serving and trying to honor the laws that man put in place and not what God wrote on my heart. I will no longer let my heart feel convicted by man but only by God. I felt whole because of Him and I am nothing without Him. Today I decided to live in the confidence of God and not people. He will use me because I’m willing to be used by Him.

Philippians 1:6 For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.

Shay’s Confessions

 I have been so disappointed with the church these past couple of years because the church forgot the kind of God we serve and the kind of disciples Jesus had. Jesus disciples were NOT perfect and nor did Jesus pass judgement. People often get mixed up,  the meaning of judgment and corrective teaching. When you mixed the meaning of those two words up, you quickly destroy the confidence of a person because you won’t even let them in to be correctively taught by God… I repeat… to be correctively taught by GOD. Instead PEOPLE want to pass judgement and then try to do Gods work like He ordained them to do it. God gave everybody a different role to play in the body but when you decided that you’re going to play the role of someone that God ordained than you have found yourself crossing the line. Which will cause confusion and quickly mess up or with someone confidence. I say all of this because I have experienced this in my own life and believe me when  I say, I am not attacking anyone, God blessed me with plenty of leaders that guided me to a better understanding of who God is, this is just to say when your believing in others opinions in your life and not the things that God has spoken to you on , you quickly fall off the path He has for you. By that I mean the visions and the things that He has shown specifically to you that you could have if you just listen to Him. When it’s not God than everything else is just noise and at some point, you have to tune the noise out so you don’t get distracted what you should be focused on!

Here’s some scriptures you could carry with you or put on a mirror or something to keep you motived through Him and not yourself!!! Love you Guys and as always thank you for reading, sharing posting and subscribing!

Joshua 1:9

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."

Isaiah 41:10

'Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.'

Deuteronomy 31:6

"Be strong and courageous, do not be afraid or tremble at them, for the LORD your God is the one who goes with you He will not fail you or forsake you."


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