In Love





August 6, 2010                                                                                  Present                        

Being in love is hard work. Believe when I say , 7 years and two kids later, being in love is HARD WORK, but EXTREMELY REWARDING! You know that phase when you’re in a relationship and you’re doing everything in your power to stay looking fly and just showing them all the best sides of you? It’s very similar to the honeymoon phase of marriage. You see in the honeymoon phase it’s all you are my world, there is no one more perfect than this person … right… until you have to deal with real problems. Let’s be honest a lot of us haven’t really seen what healthy relationships should look like. We have this made-up idea based on movies, t.v. shows and ads. You see everything around us tells us that sex is love and that your outer appearance is the only thing that will keep the one you love around. The world around us tells us to quite on the relationship when things are going exactly how you want them and to never really get to close to a person because you will only get hurt.  Being in love is not supposed to be easy. Being in love is supposed to be challenging and with it comes some heart break, success and failure but more importantly really understanding what being in love is really like.  Some of the top reasons why relationships fail are: communication, finances, and sex. The number one that affects everything like money and sex is COMMUNICATION! When your communication isn’t on unison than everything else falls apart. For instance, let’s say you got mad at your spouse because you wanted them to do a task around the house that is more obvious to you like taking out the trash. So you’ve set yourself up to believe that your spouse would noticed that and take care of it because after all you do it all the time. Now your spouse been home for 3 hours and the trash is not taking out and you just get really pissed off and snapped out on them because how could they not see or smell that the trash needed to be taken out. Now your spouse feels disrespected and belittled because you talking to them sideways and don’t want to hear how you feeling or thinking now because you didn’t come to them correctly. So now you all are just arguing and literally about two different things, one about the trash and the other about respect and then it just all blows up! Now what could have easily solved this problem at the beginning was the spouse who normally takes out the trash to ask their spouse to take out the trash instead of assuming that they are going to because it’s full and smells. Assuming that one knows what’s going on and what should be done can cause a lot of conflict because it’s just an assumption. Even if something is very obvious, like the trash being full and smelly, doesn’t mean that someone else is thinking the same way you are. The spouse that was home for 3 hours could have had a horrible day at work and just wanted to unwind as soon as they got home. That doesn’t mean they were being careless about the trash, it simply means they had their own priorities and if you don’t communicate what you need from your spouse than you will assume they don’t care. Any who I can on and on about this. Two books that played a big role in our communicating and simply trying to learn more about one another are Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs and The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman I strongly suggest you and your spouse read these books because they will make a huge difference in your relationship. We also took some counseling to because it never hurts to have a NON-BIAS ear. Counseling would also be good for looking back into your past to see how things than affect you now. You’ll be surprised with how your past has everything to do with your current and your future relationships. These books helped our communication skills greatly which only helped our finances and sex life. We have grown so much because of reading these and getting counseling. Even though these books are phenomenal, the real work starts with you. There is simply no point of reading them if you’re not actually going to apply them and work the principles into your life. You can’t say you want to be counselor, basketball player, or a teacher without putting in the work. You can’t say you want a better marriage or relationship if you’re not going to put in the work. Without out the work means no outcome nor change, which eventually leads to divorce and breaking up. Believe me when I say it is worth putting the work. It may be hard at first but it gets easier because you’ll be working together and that may friend is being IN love! Below are links to the books. I suggest getting the workbooks with them as well.




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